My "Why" Part I
Up quarks, down quarks, electrons, or maybe, just one. I'm a bundle of these things in what I believe to be a deterministic universe. Over the past few years I can roughly see the causal chain and the numerous aspects of my life and personality that can sorta-kinda answer the question:
Why would I want to run a 250-mile race in Arizona?
I think about "the why" often when I'm running alone. Sometimes, I even talk about it with my friends out on the trail. From an outsider's perspective, it really does seem crazy. Half the time, it seems crazy to me!
In no particular order and exposing my own ego, bias, and perhaps ignorance, here are a few of the things I have come up with.
Add to my internal story of who I am ("an ultra-runner who completed a 250 mile race")
To prove to myself that I can plan for and accomplish large goals
To show my kids proof of what's possible
To learn about myself, my body and my limits
Try to have a type II fun experience
As a declaration of my love for the Arizona landscape
Because I said I would and I'm stubborn like that
Because I think uncle Steve would have shook his head and smiled at this whole audacious plan, and he would have been there in Flagstaff to see me finish
To escape from the daily life experience of an average mid-career father of three
To attempt to re-live some glory days of being an "athlete" 25+ years ago
As a way of growing and maintaining a connection with adult friends
I believe running has made me a better person and surely running 250 miles will make me even better 😅
Because I have a very comfortable life and it feels good to be in some discomfort every now and again
To maybe help influence others in my circle to work to achieve their dreams
To see multiple sunrises and sunsets
To smile for miles until even smiling hurts
To impress my half-brother who is one hard-ass MF and will surely keep me in this race until the end
To meet other people in the race and learn their amazing "Whys"
Because a running addiction is better than any other addiction I've had or been fearful of having
To feel gratitude for a healthy body and mind – a mind much healthier since starting this running habit
I know that doesn't really answer the question directly. I struggle with it day by day. I know what I'm doing is a huge privilege and hugely selfish. I've read about others who have causes much larger than themselves and they often raise money for charity. This Cocodonan racer has a great one I definitely support.
I do wonder if my reasons are the right ones. I think I'd like to put other people into my "why" more often and as I continue to pursue this dream, I hope that it can become larger than myself, if not for this race, then for future races or opportunities that come.
The path forward is winding and long. No matter what, I'll follow it and tell myself a story of how it came to be. That's all I know so far.
To be continued...
